Maybe instead we can learn to treat each other as equal players of a very silly game that we all secretly take quite seriously. But it seems quite clear to me that we’re not there yet. I’m a feminist, sex-positive 21st century lady whose photos include me posing in a Rosie the Riveter Halloween costume.I write about gender on the Internet for crying out loud!Finally, one of the cool girls writes back, and you will banter a bit, swapping favorite restaurants or concert venues.You will ask her to meet up “in real life.” At the bar, you will chat nervously for an hour (she is not as pretty or as funny as you had hoped she’d be), and then you will be saddled with the check even though she ate most of the sweet potato fries.'My dad was brought up very old school, very strict - "Yes ma'am, yes sir,"' she said. 'I used to be a little embarrassed by how [my mom] and my dad would dress, but now I steal their clothes all the time.'So he's wearing leather pants and a boa, but he would be like, "Did you do your chores today? My dad has totally taken my Cat Stevens T-shirt, but It's OK I have his Black Flag one and that's amazing.'She even unknowingly spent money on pieces her mother had donated to a local vintage boutique: 'She took a bunch of stuff down while I was away, and I went there when I got back and bought five of her things.You don’t order my wine and we split the check because we are peers. I have a job, you have a job, we’re all on a budget, and I did eat most of the sweet potato fries!Down the line, we can trade off and treat each other and enjoy the security in knowing there will be a “next time,” but for now, we both walked blindly into the same bar, so let’s walk out having equally invested in the last hour.
Why do I alternate between playing the damsel and the playing the demanding entitled a**hole? Out here, at a bar or restaurant, I work really hard to make sure that you know we are equals participating in a traditionally unequal transaction.Why can’t I apply this “equal investment” attitude to the getting of dates and not just the paying for dates?***** It’s a little too far past January 1st to call this a New Year’s Resolution, but I’ve decided to make a change.With those, you will send a few messages back and forth before he invites you for a drink.
You will put on some mascara, plunge out into the snow, meet a stranger, and after an hour of slightly stilted conversation, he will grab the check.
***** You might think online dating would create some much-needed “fairness” between the sexes.